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Esoterically Lost In Spring

by Jon Ochoa

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1.
(Verse 1) I ain’t one for introductions like this shit ain’t change Cause we still the same kids making bigger mistakes And it’s still the same rap, just a different page See those were choices that I made like I take from my idols And wanting them as rivals, repetition of a cycle Like watch me rap about how I’m sipping Hennessy And rhyme it with the fact that it’s helping me with enemies And shooting shots a remedy? I call that no bars, no bars? And by far, the best tape since So Far Gone I’m too calm you can’t prove wrong Cause Ye told me you could still be who you wish you is And sometimes I wonder if somebody’s told him What does a man do when he’s feeling heaven sent? Cause when I’m losing it is when I’m picking up a pen Don’t wanna make a song that I’ll look at and regret (Hook) (x2) Like who gon play a mixtape with no fucking hits? Like who gon play a mixtape that won’t make a list? (Verse 2) So I’m back in my bullshit, circle that I’ve been with Recorded in a park and I’ve always known since When we made It’s a Start, now I dream of Dilla flows Dealing prose on a drum loop, Donuts I suppose So before the curtains close, know I put it in the open In the hopes you’d notice, or in the hopes you’d focus Cause my heart’s on my sleeve but don’t ever doubt you own it My rap ain’t a profession Just a childish obsession I know some people out there that abusing all my friendship I know some people out there that ain’t even worth a mention Just some people that are busy upset over transgressions That all happened in the past but I guess we won’t forget it We never really know when the call will be the last So in reality it’s memories that write my raps And I drank too much Malibu the same is on rotation I’m playing all the records that inspired me for greatness The dreams that I make it, so I hardly tend to sleep So if I’m not your favorite why don’t we take another drink Just to think about when I said fuck an apology Roses just to thank you all for this tragedy Always be an intro, it’s the same old story And pretending that you care has me prepped for the glory Nothing blossoms in Winter then I can’t wait for Spring I’ll be forever lost in the songs that I ink (Hook)(x2) (Verse 3) I made it this far running from all of my problems And not knowing how to solve em, always falling like it’s autumn But I’m starting at the bottom, that’s concrete foundation I made it off the pavement, the come up from the basement So even if I’m faithless I just ask that you believe in me Even if I don’t become the person that you want to see Even if I’m not the person that you always thought I’d be Even when they question what it is that you see in me
2.
(Hook) (x2) Up against the world and I got it figured out Like when I’m spitting lines I do better not to shout Shoutout to the bitches when all they do is doubt I’ve been talking all that stupid shit is all that I’m been about (Verse 1) Busy treating mirrors like they were a fan base I ain’t feel divine grace, I don’t seem to find praise Trynna redefine great, trynna refine pace Sometimes I even question if I’m even in the right place Then I remember some lame motherfuckers Whose only past time is to blame motherfuckers Like sorry you got played by the game motherfucker Oh wait, no I’m not, we ain’t the same motherfucker Don’t know what I became when I got so far ahead It’s feature of the fact that I’m not afraid of death Cause I don’t owe shit, I ain’t doing it again And from here on out I don’t recognize debts It’s what I meant when I said that I’m glad I’ve changed If you paid attention then I ain’t been the same I ain’t constrained, cause I’m finding different lanes And I’m whippin’ through the city to forget all of the pain (Hook) (x2) (Verse 2) (1:33) Cocky piece of shit with the record to prove it Only thing you’re good at making is your excuses I’m feeling like Jaden, more than the music, I went and got jaded, the way that I use it It’s premeditated, the numbers inflated To feel like you made it, we all in admiration Like “damn you’re the greatest Thank god you came around cause the game needed saving Solidified your placement in our top five And now we all debate if you’re the greatest alive Or of all time,” but the greats fall off When I arrive, it gets cold like the cut off Enjoying my shine, this is my fucking show And motherfuckers doomed like I’m on stones throw Feel free to criticize cause the way I flow slow Play that part and catch up cause I been here solo (Hook) (x2)
3.
(Verse 1) I never really could wear instability well But I just do my best to hide it but I know you can tell See I know a girl, my favorite act, the way she pretends to care I tell myself that it’s never fair I knew a girl, my favorite act, seemingly ain’t care Tell her that I’m well aware We met again the other day Colors and shapes when you saw my face We speak for a moment till it all fades away And I leave in that moment but I’m stuck in that place Or I’m stuck in that day, like portraits on some Portra 400 Took a while to be adjusted to the life that I chose Where I’m still on the bus, like that one outro I guess this kind of rap is over-saturated Who am I to make a series on saturation? Better yet I’ve probably written one too many interludes And sometimes that just don’t rhyme Sometimes I think it’s time to put down the pen and try and reconnect with those I left behind But I can’t grab the past, I can only look ahead Even if it’s all pretend, like the things that we said I guess I’m scared to choose between love and my music So I’m sorry that in the end you still listen to my music I’m sorry that we had love just for us to finally lose it But while I try to find myself I don’t wanna abuse it On the other hands there’s moments where I don’t know what I’m doing Where I go out just to prove that I can do it I had the time to meet a girl, shy about her music And I wonder how I come across, ashamed it’s therapeutic If I’m not truthful why would you even hear it? And if it’s not useful to you would you even come near it? If my hobby’s chasing dreams then it’s all that I do, You ask me what’s another to an already few? I told her Spring’s the best time for temporary lovers We can wait until the summer when it’s too hot for the covers Or when life isn’t so cluttered, hopefully it comes easily But no so easily where we question if we love each other equally Or if we’re here cause it came conveniently Just admiring the scenery of people breaking evenly We’re just people breaking evenly, And maybe that’s where we need to be
4.
(Hook) (x2) Dealing with snakes how could I blame Eve? Like it’s about to be my time, wouldn’t you leave? I believe in my music like gospel Finding salvation at the bottom of a bottle (Verse 1) Going first and second for the bars to last Don’t play games with me boy cause I’m far too advanced You never had a chance, like I’m miles ahead It got me feeling like Davis, Miles Ahead I needed time to breath like I lost myself And I’ve been looking for change, trynna drown in wealth But the best that I have is a dream to sell But best believe that that motherfucker top shelf I stocked it myself, you could say I raised the bar I guess it caught their eyes from afar I’m trynna be on par with those that busy rocking nations I can’t watch a throne when it’s easier to take it That’s just me talking whole lot of bullshit On some rainy day shit Truth is my holy grail was never the blueprint If music’s my religion I’m just following the profit (Hook)(x2) (Verse 2) Fell in love with a facade like it’s my favorite habit Drums are like applause, so I finally started rapping Tell myself I ain’t coming back, convinced that I had it Till I finally realized that I ain’t ever fucking have it And this is just a prelude, already it’s tragic And this is just a mixtape, already it’s a classic Cause I went and detached myself from every single thing Now how could I not want every single thing? Another drink, a few rings, and a crown that shows I’m king Of a genre that I’m better at with every new Spring That’s the thing, that I study every facet And every absence is dictated by a different tangent See practice makes perfect but I’m perfect in my practice The sixteen’s a bracket, that you ain’t even reach yet My fifteen minutes that you ain’t even seen yet The garden fruitless, so I don’t even see threats (Hook)(x2) (Verse 3) I’d ask how you’d do it but I know I can’t afford it I spent some mistakes on songs that I’ve recorded I’ve determined I’mma shine even outside the limelight I get the lines right when the rhymes write That’s low-hanging fruit but all of mine have been ripe Could you really blame me for the way I chase vice? When the beat hits it’s always been painless Those that inspired me told me not to save it
5.
(Verse 1) Never spoke my mind till the beat got played, And I jotted my all my thoughts, I have so much to say, And so everything changed so that it could stay the same I could never be afraid of the choices I make, Remain determined to chase after the sunset Sunrise never came and I ain’t done shit yet Cause we act like degenerates, nevermind regrets I have cassettes that I play, a heartbreak debt I’m owed peace of mind, the way I gave a piece of mine I always tell myself you won’t get signed off one line Like I ain’t make this in 10 days, it took 20 years Accumulated fears, emotions like a souvenir Put in the open just for judgment from my peers But what should I expect from those that never came near? What’s the point of writing bars that you ain’t ever gon hear? When everybody left, me? I stayed right here (Verse 2) Told her I’d be back, before the light goes That was some time ago, I can only be grateful Tomorrow’s for forever, I already miss April Don’t wanna be another rapper on a c-list label Strawberry season, know that everything is temporary Now independent is the best I’ll ever be Like Yours Truly, I got 2020 vision That’s foresight blinded by all my ambition I never listened unless it was put on an instrumental I guess I’d call that instrumental, how could I settle? I don’t question destiny Like Camp, the audience is everybody But maybe all I do is hope that you would love it And what it cost me was more than the budget And when it comes to what I write I put nothing above it The writing feels sacred, nothing else is above it Nothing else is above it.

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released April 19, 2019

Production done by Lucid, FALLEN., Jia, False Ego, & Bliss.
Recorded at and mixing courtesy of Noise Eater Recordings, in Santa Cruz, CA

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Jon Ochoa State College, Pennsylvania

Just putting some thoughts onto a page and making songs

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